I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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