I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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