morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
