I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
