Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
