Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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