I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
