she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
