She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
