Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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