You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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