i think my tv is drunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
