you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
