Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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