Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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