jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
