I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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