I accidentally had phone sex last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize