She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
