Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
