Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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