I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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