so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
