apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
