I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
