my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
