He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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