I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
