Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
