we have pet lesbian snakes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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