There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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