So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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