We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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