Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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