wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
