Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
