He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
