I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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