Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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