Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
