I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
