Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
