my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
