proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
soo... how was my night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
