I am midnight drunk by noon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
