this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
