That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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