I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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