Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
