the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
