you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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