your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
