Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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