I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
