This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
