Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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