I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
