I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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