DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
