He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
