Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize