Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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