I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
