i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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