Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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