you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize