so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
