Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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