So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
