the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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