are you still at the devil's house?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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