it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
