she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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