It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
