if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize