i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
