batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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